He wasn’t very pleased and asked me if I could “hot foot it over to the Synagogue” ( yes, he does speak like that ) . Usually he is a pretty laid back guy so I was rather at a loss as to the problem. I was also, as you may recall, currently holed up in the depths of Wales contemplating Life and other deep matters. I thought I could get Vicki to go over there and see what the problem was but for her, being a Catholic, I am not sure she will feel she can go into the Synagogue without doing a good few Hail Marys on the following Sunday. The traffic getting there was not ideal and I know Vicki only has a window of 10am to 4pm each day in heavy traffic. I really didn’t want to get into any sort of conflict with the Rabbi and said I would send someone over straight away and Vicki was still prevaricating. Hving no option now but to call Lovely Man ( LM) who I knew was out on the Golf Course whilst I was away, I took a deep breath and left the message. .
Now Lovely Man is not always a Lovely Man and whilst these occasions are few and far between, I am able to limit them by not contacting him when;
1 he is on the Golf Course
2 he is watching Arsenal
3 he is playing Poker
4 he is watching Golf
5 he is watching Poker
6 he is reading his book on the Toilet
Anyway having worked out that I would prefer to incur the wrath of Lovely Many rather than the Rabbi I asked if he would drop his Clubs, pause the game and head over to the Synagogue. I heard a lot of sucking of teeth and followed by silence. Not one of my better choices I fear !! I whispered ” don’t worry” and thought again.
So on to my third choice of who to send to the Rabbi and having come up with no one it was back to Vicki. I pleaded and bargained with her and eventually she said she would go in provided she could wear a headscarf ( she wanted to be incognito!) and I didn’t tell anyone. She also said she would not prevail upon the free parking in the ” Parking for Visitors to the Synagogue” Car Park, but use the Pay and Display and walk for fifteen minutes. Honestly, you couldn’t make it up. An hour or so later I got a message from Vicki that the Rabbi was indeed truly hacked off because one of our teachers had ignored the ” No food in the Synagogue” rule and brought some in. I asked her what the food was and she was a little vague. It turned out what whilst Mrs Rabbi was emptying the bins at the end of the day she had come across an offending article hidden under some paper. Being somewhat nosy she dislodged the paper and found…. to her horror…. a POT NOODLE and an empty one at that>She was further told that in the Pot Noodle was one of the banned substances and if our teachers couldn’t take it seriously, then who could? I quite agree…..
Now I think that we all know that the amount of real meat or fish in any Pot Noodle is going to be called ” trace elements” (allegedly) so although one could say that it was a “storm in a N0odle Pot” I do see his point. I also know that one of our teachers is rather fond of this in his break time and I am going to have to take same Teacher to task. In the meantime, Vicki adjusted her headscarf; lowered her eyes and dropped to her knees. ” I do apologise Father”. Having taken the Rabbi’s hand and kissed it, before asking for forgiveness, I reckoned she got a little confused and thought it was an audience with the Pope. The Rabbi, however, being a rather ” with it” guy, merely lifted her to her feet and Shallomed her out of the Building.